Excitement

Ana has a friend-BJ living with them. Not as a boyfriend, but as a friend who seemed to have problems with dad. Mom helped out with groceries–but BJ is 18 and didn’t seem to want to do much other than ride the roads and sleep. He had only been there maybe a month on a trial basis…maybe longer.
I had noticed, as had Terry that he would be gone at night when we were up/driving by or whatever reason gave us opportunity to see what vehicles were up the hill…but his truck was usually home all day or if I asked about Shandi about him she would say he’s sleeping.
Last Friday I decided I needed to talk to him. I told Ana my need, I also told her that if he didn’t start doing something constructive–school, GED, job, helping clean house and yard he would have to leave. He kept avoiding me.
Finally on Monday evening I saw his folks car up there so up I went.
I told them what I had told Ana–and that I felt he was avoiding me. He said he wasn’t avoiding anyone and began to thrash around on the bed crying, then he got up and walked out of the room. Mom said she understood and they had come to pack him up and take him home. So I said my good’byes, they thanked me for allowing him to try to be an adult and I left.
On Tuesday Shandi said BJ’s dad had come back over later that night and they had talked some more.
Tuesday evening after Terry came in, we saw a law car driving by, followed by two other trucks. We looked and they were heading up to Ana’s. Ana wasn’t home, she was still at school or on her way home and Shandi was with us. We didn’t know BJ or his girlfriend were up there–(his gf isn’t quite 17 yet)
We walk up, are told they are looking for BJ in connection with some thefts, have I seen anything in the house or around the house–he names off a 4 wheeler, lawnmower and big screen tv. I told him that I saw a big screen TV in BJ’s room the past week and was told he got it from a friend.
They asked permission to go in–I walk in and show them BJ’s room and the little dude is laying in there asleep with his GF. One of the lawmen (there were 4) woke him and then questioned him at length, ending in arresting him. His GF told us that BJ and his mom and dad had been at the sheriff’s office several hours trying to clear all this mess up.
Later on I hear that BJ confessed to stealing the 4 wheeler but no one will tell where it is.
The GF said BJ’s dad got the big screen tv the night before, but I don’t know what he did with it.
Kinley, the GF, was taken to Children’s services because she isn’t 17. The deputy who talked with her said she obviously had a rough family life–in fact, Ana took her to Children’s services to try and get temporary custody of her so she could come back up here. We like her, she goes to school and works hard…dad and mom are on drugs. Dad came to CS, but refused a drug test and mom didn’t come. There is a younger brother who is 12, with Chron’s disease. Mom seldom sends him to school. There is an older sister who showed out with CS also, screaming and cussing. Kinley went home with a cousin, but we don’t know how permanent that is.
Last night we went out to eat with some friends who live around the corner from us–we were telling them and Alex said..man we need to come hang with ya’ll. It’s boring at our house, but ya’ll always have excitement. LOL
Anyway, I’m glad BJ is gone since he was up to no good like I thought. I’m glad Ana wasn’t implicated in the stealing, as well as Shandi. Shandi said none of the girls ever went with BJ when he would be gone all night.
On the other hand–I’ve taken another run of antibiotic and last night I shook a hard chill. Today I’ve kept Ibuprofen in me, and am really sore in my lower lung area. I’ll check with the doc if it doesn’t improve. I can’t seem to get totally over this mess this year.

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Response to a hurting friend

A friend posted she felt like a failure as a mom…my reply:
I felt like a failure also–then I began to look around and I saw many families with 2 children; both raised in good homes, both raised exactly the same–one stayed on the straight & narrow; the other went down the wrong path. We raise our kids the best we know how. We make mistakes; but so did our own parents. Then each of us reach an age of accountability–with God, with self, with life. That is where the choices often made are the wrong choices. I was one told that: unless I held my child down and forced drugs (or whatever) into them, I didn’t cause it, unless I locked them in a cage and threw away the key I couldn’t control them, and unless I was God (and I’m not) I couldn’t cure their problem–whatever that problem might be. I spent years blaming others for my children’s mistakes & problems. It was never any one else’s fault. It was always choices each of my children made.

Not to blame

Reading from Hazelden a while back:

I Did Not Cause It

I did not cause my child to become an addict. As a parent, I don’t possess that power.

When my children were little, I imagined I had all kinds of power. I could decide when it was time for their nap–but they might play in their cribs instead of sleeping. I could serve up a healthy dinner–but if they didn’t want to eat the small mound of lima beans on their plates, They Did Not! I could teach my children right from wrong and good from bad, but my word alone often wasn’t enough, and they experimented to see how those rights and wrongs worked. It soon became clear that while I could be their guide, my children were going to be who they were meant to be. My real power as a mother was simply to love them. (And to annoy them and make them mad.) As a parent, I was perceived to be too nosey, too clingy, and, on occasion, not clingy enough. I hurt my children’s feelings. I made them feel angry, sad, unheard, and misunderstood. At times I hovered like a helicopter mom–at other moments I might have flown too far away.

I am an imperfect mom. But imperfect parenting does not cause children to become addicts.

If that were so, every child would grow up to be an addict.

Too many people are spoiling their existence carrying needless guilt and shame.

The Now Ex Electrician

October 30, 2017

Let me tell ya’ll a story of my ex-electrician.

This story began way back in the 70’s; maybe early 80’s—don’t remember. We bought our first central air conditioner and hired this man to install it. From then on he became our ‘go to’ man for the AC problems, the refrig problems, washer and dryer issues—anything with electricity going to he helped us with it.

We never had to call him extremely often-he always came within a reasonable amount of time; surprisingly because he was a 1 man show. He was honest, he was reasonable in charges, always respectful.

Through the years we developed a friendship—he, hubby and I. We would laugh and joke, share stories, and I even shared some of home canned goods with him.

When we had the greenhouse business, he came and bought plants; brought his girlfriend to buy flowers and always had a running banter going.

After the nursery business was closed, he would call and offer me peas, greens or other fresh food. Terry and I would go gather it; or if Terry couldn’t go with me I’d go alone. I could never gather much and always had to choose the time of day because of my health issues, but I always did my part. He knew about my health, he would help pick, but never picked for me.

One day last summer he called and said he has some fresh corn if I wanted to come pick it. I assured him I was very thankful for the offer, but at the moment I had too many things going on and simply didn’t have time to come pick corn. I had just brought Terry home from having and upper GI, had Farmer’s Market the next day , church the next—it just wasn’t going to work. But again I thanked him for the offer.

Click.

Without a word he hung up on me.

Later on that afternoon I received a text message saying: What if I might just not have time to come fix your stuff.

I replied: There are a lot more electricians in the ocean than you and I know a lot of them.

With that, not another word was said between us; although he did call Terry a few months back to see if he wanted to go fishing in the Mississippi River with him. Terry refused as he doesn’t like the fish from that river and he doesn’t like to go off with people who carry on and possibly drink a whole lot.

Well, then the lightening took out a lot of stuff here back several months ago—our neighbor came right up and tried to get us the AC back going—so we got him to do all the other work we had to do to prepare for a new roof—moving electric lines and fixing the AC and a few other things. The thermostat we replaced was burned-and I’m sure Terry mentioned that, as well as having to replace a lot of wires out at the heater to our now ex electrician.

Over the weekend the temps were going to drop into the 30’s. I changed the batteries in the heater thermostat on Thursday, but it wouldn’t show numbers, so Friday I bought a new one, and we installed it that night. Saturday morning we get up, turn the thermostat to heat and nothing. We check out several things, but still no heater firing up, so Terry calls our neighbor, who is out of town. He then calls our now ex electrician, leaves a message and gets a return call from him. He tells Terry he has to go into La first but he will be up here around lunch time.

He then asks Terry why didn’t we call him for the other electrical work we had to have to done to which Terry said; “You were mad at Klara, so I didn’t figure you would come”

Well, when I came up the highway on the way home from work Saturday his work truck was sitting in his yard—that was 12:10. We waited and waited and finally around 2 Terry called but got no answer. I called and left a message but no answer. I sent a text but no answer. That was Saturday; temps dropped to around 33 outside Saturday night, early Sunday morning-but still no work from the now ex-electrician.

However—We had just had a new metal roof and insulated windows put in the house. My house was built in ’76, it is old. It’s brick but it’s been through a lot.

With the new roof/with insulation between the metal roof and the existing roof and the new windows, the lowest the temperature got in my house was 64 degrees. Thank you Lord. I didn’t need that now ex-electrician to make sure I didn’t get cold. Hubby’s decision to do the roof and windows and the good Lord took care of us. I am so excited about that.

Terry went today and bought the part (we think is/was the problem) and replaced it. It’s not cold enough really to see for sure, and I told Terry to not worry about it until we needed to.

Terry called our neighbor about the part, but he didn’t have one, but told Terry where to get it. He also told Terry that if that didn’t work, let him know and he would come check it out. God is good!

We plan to talk with the neighbor about a young man he trained-we are thinking of getting him as our regular electrician when our neighbor can’t come. The young man has already been highly recommended by a friend of ours.

So, when someone tries to hurt—remember this—if you’re a child of God, you are behind His wall of protection!!!!!

wild and crazy day…ummm…several days

Saturday, maybe, odd phone calls started coming in–no Caller ID, collect, but no info. I figured Stacie had been transferred out for processing, but hadn’t stopped to check it out.
The calls continued Sunday, Monday, and today…
I stopped answering.
Last night I had WMU after working at baking bread all day and cleaning.
Today I had FM. Shandi had a hair cut scheduled and a nail appointment. She had never had a manicure and I felt she deserved one.
I’m waiting out in the car so as not to smell the chemicals when I see my little church friend who was in the wreck waddle into the salon. I get out and follow her. While I"m in there, phone rings with the No Caller ID, then it rings again with a Laurel, Ms. number. I answer and it’s Roy, looking for his truck keys. His dad has bailed him out of jail and he wants his truck. I hand the phone to Shandi, she tells him where they are, I give permission for him to get them and he rudely hangs up.

Finally we are done with nails, run my grocery and pick up a few things, Ana begins texting wanting hot dogs and the makings for s’mores and I"m not into all that, so I get what I can and rush home. Roy is still there. I sure was hoping he would be gone, but no… he’s there, thin as a rail, looks bad to be honest and talking non stop.

Now I’ve already sat in the salon with Diane’s SIL who talks non stop …I’ve already put up with this frustrating calls for days, I"m about ready to pop and now I’m listening to him go on and on.

Finally he leaves to go see about getting his phone turned on, Shandi and I head to Walmart–we didn’t make Al-anon, we were both too stressed to be honest and tired having been up since 5.
So now Roy is here, for the night anyway. He plans to try to get a job and prove his innocence.

When we come back, I check the Ms. Department of Corrections website and yep, Stacie has been sent to Rankin county for processing. I printed out the page with all her info on it and then it really hit me that I have a second child with a record, an inmate number, gosh it hurts even with all the alanon under my belt. Can’t change it, can’t change her, can only change me.

I had such hopes for her back in the day. They are all dashed, have been for a long time. I just didn’t want to say it out loud.

Time will tell.
I’m tired. Heading to bed.
l,k

car-washes

Since I bought my new car back in May, I’ve tried to keep it clean and neat. Shandi and I washed it one day, but I figured out right quick that washing a car in the heat is not what I need to be doing.
I thought about running it through a car wash, but just never seemed to have the time.
Tuesday, on my way to FM I was thinking about calling over to the tire store which is just just down the street and across the road from the market..there is a guy there that washes cars for about 20 bucks a pop. He will detail it for 40.00
But I got busy and didn’t think a thing of it.
However, Phillip, the honey man left to take his wife’s car over for a detail job and came back complaining that no one was there yet. it wasn’t quite 7:00 at the time. Later, I saw Philip on the phone, but didn’t think anything of it and also saw a guy who comes in the cleaners talking to Phillip, but still I didn’t put 2 and 2 together. I didn’t have a clue what Lil Jay-Jeff (there is a story to his name) did for a living, I just knew he came in the cleaners from time to time.

An hour or so later, Phillip says–hey, Klara, your car is over at the tire store being washed. The guy took yours instead of mine. How he could mistake a Honda for a Lexus is a mystery to me.

I jumped up and ran to the side door and looked over at the tire store and yep, that was MY Honda under the shed being washed.

Hmmm, I say to Phillip, well I wanted it washed but not detailed, so he takes off to tell him to just wash it–but Lil Jeff detailed it too, and Phillip paid for it. I wasn’t gonna, since I didn’t tell him to wash it–I would have paid for a washing, but not for detailing. I’m perfectly capable of doing that.

Now, on Lil Jay-Jeff’s name…the lady who works the other half of the week has his name in the computer as Lil Jeff. First time he came in and told me Lil Jay, I couldn’t find his clothes. I told him there was a Lil Jeff, but no Lil Jay. He grins and says, I think the other lady put my name in wrong. So I bring the clothes out and compare phone numbers and he looks and says, yes, ma’am those are my clothes…so now we have Lil Jay-Jeff!!!!!

penguins-online Latest on Stacie

Oh klara how awful for you all!! So difficult!

Joy via iPhone

On Aug 23, 2017, at 7:01 PM, elf here.is.elf [penguins-online] <penguins-online> wrote:

Thursday she went before a judge and was released with a future court date of August 29.
Her dad went and picked her up, we both told her she needed to be cleaning the house and packing because she was gonna have to leave. We were through supporting her.
Several years ago, we had drawn up a property paper giving her a life time estate–we did it so she could file homestead exemption and taxed would be lower.
We had another paper drawn up last week, putting everything back in our name for the time being.
On Monday I went to the doc, having come down with a cold/sinus/chest congestion thing…when I got home I text her and told her I’d be done with bread around noon and we would go to town so I could pick up my meds…I’d seen the doc at 7:30 and the druggist doesn’t open until 8:30. I told her we would also get the papers signed and then go on and see her parole officer-which she had to do.
She did question the signing of the papers; I told her it was to put everything back in our name and she had to sign because her name was on it…then we went to the parole office.
I didn’t go in with her, but later I was sent after. He asked if I was really kicking her out and why-I told him because she wouldn’t work, she disappeared at least once a month and wouldn’t tell anyone where she was, she had hurt her children the last time and had wasted their money her last time.
He said, well you know I’m keeping her. He talked straight to her–about no job and her attitude. He told her that if she didn’t have a job by now she might need to figure out why people wouldn’t hire her.
Short story, she will see a judge most likely the 28th, or at least be at court. She may go before the judge and she may not–we who have been there know how these things go. It will depend on the judge.
She had it made, folks. If she would have stayed clean, paid her fine and made her monthly visits, once her fine was paid her record would be clean…and she had a felony drug possession charge against her…a charge that would be whiped clean if she did what she was supposed to do. But she didn’t.
We plan to try and find her a cheap car, so when she is released she will have a way to go…she can put what will fit into it and ride off into the sunset. It won’t be easy but she has made her choices. We, as parents have been good to her, too good to her for all these years.
Stacie is 42, with a college degree–she used to have a good personality, but through the years she has become this angry, bitter person, blaming everyone and everything for what is wrong with her. We can’t help her any more. All we can do is pray for her.
I’ve really been burdened because I was so afraid that Terry would change his mind, or I would change mine. But we can’t afford to do that–the children need protecting even though we should have done more years ago…maybe it isn’t too late to show them that we don’t put up with wrong treatment and actions.