Shandi’s eating and other things

Lordy what a day, what a week, what a life.
We all know that for years, in fact all their life, Stacie has favored Shandi. Even in the worse of her times, Shandi was the one she spoke gently to, the one she hugged while biting Ana’s head off and pushing her away. She denies it every time I mention it. I saw it. Time and time again. I do not exaggerate.
We all know Ana has lived in the shed for a number of months now; since before Christmas? or right after. She does well. From time to time I remind her to clean it up, but over all she does well. She stays over here with me a lot, watching tv and on the computer as she doesn’t have tv in her sheddage other than the ability to watch movies and internet connection isn’t the best out there.

So, CJ and her crew moved out and now Stacie is insisting that Ana move back up there. The kid doesn’t want to deliberately move into a house where she is used as a maid, yelled at and otherwise made to feel less than human.

Since Christmas or a bit before Shandi has put on about 40 pounds. I think in October she weighed around 97 and yesterday she weighed 137 or 139, I forget. She is on anti-depressants (Zoloft) she takes Vyvanse and Abilify…all medications prescribed by the mental health doctor. She goes to counseling as does Ana. Shandi will get up in the middle of the night according to Stacie and eat a whole pack of cookies, a can of tuna or whatever else she can find to eat. She wants to eat huge amounts when she does eat. On Sunday morning when we have pancakes, she wants 4-6; waffles she can easily eat 2 and they are not small waffles. I have been concerned about her and thought a lot of it might be attributed to the over load (in my opinion) of medication. Stacie says it’s because she misses her daddy as she is a daddy’s girl too, not having reached the point of disliking him as Ana has.

So last week Stacie talked with the MH doctor about Shandi’s weight and she said oh, that was normal gain due to hormonal changes as she enter puberty. Maybe so, maybe not. Yesterday the girls see their MH counselor and she is very concerned and calls the office in Columbia to have Shandi evaluated for admittance into Pine Grove Mental Health Facility to figure out why she eats through out the night and whatever else is going on with her. That appointment was today. When Stacie picks Shandi up, she picks Ana up too.

They return from the appointment around 3 to pick up Shandi’s clothes and take her to Hattiesburg for admittance as she told the people who evaluated her that she had thoughts of harming herself. I have a customer who ends up buying over 300.00 worth when stacie comes in, thankfully Terry had made it in from work…as I hear Stacie scream at Ana to bring her her (Ana’s) phone. I leave Terry with the customer and walk to the house to find Shandi standing out on the sidewalk. As I walk up she turns to me and says, "They are in there arguing, momo, and I have to go in the hospital." I walk in and am met with an extremely angry Stacie. She yells at me that Ana has to get a better attitude. I reply that mama does too and if mama pattern a better attitude daughter might follow suit. Stacie yells that Ana can either move up to her house or she will send her to her daddys. I tell Stacie that is most cruel thing she could ever say to the child. She yells back that Ana is cruel to her, turns and throws Ana at me and jumps in the truck and leaves with Shandi.

Turns out Ana told her mom she would move up to the house and she would do it today, BUT, she wouldn’t clean up behind her mom or Shandi. She would clean her own room, wash her own dishes and any messes she cleaned up would be messes she made. That incensed Stacie as having a maid is one of the reasons she wants Ana up there and being told what she will and won’t do does not sit well with mama. She told Ana no, the room wasn’t clean. Ana says I will clean it. Stacie says no, I don’t want you messing in my house. I give up on you. You hate me so I just give up and that’s about the time I walk up on the mess.

When Stacie leaves I tell Ana to change clothes and come to the nursery as I will NOT let Stacie come dragging her off or yelling at her again. Stacie leaves heading to Pine Grove with Shandi with no incidents involving Ana. Ana helps us a bit at the nursery, then goes home to clean the sheddage.

While at church, around 6 or so, Stacie text me and said Shandi was admitted, was doing fine but she (Stacie) wasn’t. I empathized with her as I know it’s hard to walk away and leave your child somewhere like that. I come home and about an hour later Stacie leaves me a voice mail letting me know she is going to Jamie’s. She apologizes, says to tell her daughter she is sorry. She doesn’t know what comes over her, she is taking her meds but still was a bitch and she is sorry.

I realize that Stacie has been diagnosed bi-polar/manic depressive. I think some times she uses this as an excuse to show her ass. I don’t think she actively works on getting better. I think she wants to be classified disabled so she can draw a disability check like some other people she knows. I admit that in many ways she is disabled. I wouldn’t want to work with her. I am embarrassed by her a lot of times. Like at church last night, when she wouldn’t let Shandi have another piece of pizza. The child had only had 2 slices and I figure if Stacie can buy bags of cookies and have them as temptations why not let the child have a 3rd piece of pizza. Geez. She flounces around and talks loud and so many other things. I’m exhausted by her.

Terry and I discussed filing for custody of Ana. Ana mentioned she had thought about asking us to file for custody of her. I know we probably could but it would sure drive a wedge between Stacie and us. However if Stacie continues to verbally abuse Ana I will be forced to do something. I have to wonder if maybe Stacie isn’t doing the same to Shandi and Shandi just doesn’t tell me and that is why she is binge eating. Maybe it isn’t all missing her dad but only part missing him and part putting up with her bitchy mom.

Does anyone know where to start to find out the process for filing for custody? I’m brain dead tonight, working at the nursery, working at the church and playing devil’s advocate and peace maker.

So, any prayers, any positive thoughts, any suggestions would be accepted.

l,
k

and these people run our world?

What a past week….starting coming down with upper respiratory problems on Monday. S came over and we worked on VBS crafts and visited. I so enjoy visiting with her.
Tuesday I wasn’t much better and began my antibiotic my NP had graciously prescribed for me a while back and I had kept in the refrig.
Had one customer that truly shouldn’t be buying plants. I’m not sure what she should be doing but it isn’t buying plants. She stops her car half in the road, half on the parking area in front of the store. She gets out dressed to the tee…says she is on her way to church and just wanted to stop to pick up this tree.
What kind of tree ma’am
Customer (c): you know what I want, it’s grows green leaves and gets big
me: ma’am there are many trees that do that. Do you know the name?
C: no, but you know what I want
Me: no, I don’t.
C: show me what you have. I will know it when I see it.
Me: walking with her to the shrub yard I wave my arm and say: all these are shrubs or bushes or trees. Maybe you will find what you are looking for…as I answer the ringing phone.
C: But I can’t see well, show me…*as I continue to talk on the phone*
Me: now off phone and walking with her, telling her about the plants.
C’s phone rings. She answers. she says…I was told I could pay 50 or 60 now and the rest later. I paid 50 and will pay more next week. No I don’t have any more on that card. Ok, I will come in and see if we clear this up.
Me: thinking…don’t write me a check woman. It will be cash only.
C: spotting crape myrtles…that is it. That is how it grows. It’s what I want.
Me: which one, what color?
C. It blooms? Will it bloom all year.
Me: no, just in May and maybe June. They lose their leaves in the winter.
C: no, that isn’t it.

Finally she decides on a gardenia and a rosemary plant. Finally I get her and the plants in the car and she drives down the road. Finally!

Wednesday it rains, and I go home at lunch and crawl in the bed. I have called my doctor’s office because I know I won’t have enough antibiotic to knock this mess out. They will call me in something. Wednesday evening at 5 the pharmacy calls and it will be Friday before my meds arrive. The computers are down, they have already ordered, will that be ok. Yes, it will.

Thursday I stay in bed all day.

Friday I feel better and come back to work. Stacie goes for my med. It isn’t there. Insurance won’t cover it and they didn’t call and let me know so they didn’t order it. I tell them to call my doctor and get me something insurance will cover.

They do and I pick it up Saturday morning.

I work hard all day Saturday, watering and customers. I begin to feel worse but have to keep going. It’s that time of year.

It’s Monday and I am on the new meds and don’t seem to be getting much better. Please Lord let this stuff knock this infection out.

impressions

Impressions go a long way in many things…what we think of people, how we react to people, whether we choose a specific place to eat or shop, whom we vote for in the final election…impressions say a lot.

Yes, first impressions are often wrong. Maybe it’s a bad day for the one giving the bad impression or an especially good day for the good impression. Maybe it’s an off day for the person receiving the impression. Regardless of the reason, impressions go a long way in decisions we make every day.

In searching for a pastor, it’s my belief that first impressions are vital to both the applicant, as it were, and the searching committee. While we should never not give vital, pertinent information regarding the status of our church, neither should we come across as being happy that certain things which are not good -have happened. If an incident has had negative and positive impact on the church body, then this could be shared with the proper attitude. Seriousness in sharing such a piece of information is very important to how the other person perceives the sharing individual as well as the church body.

If someone takes lightly serious matters of the church, the interviewee will perceive that since this person is ‘happy’, as it were, that people have left the church, happy to the point they laugh about it…then maybe the whole church body that is left feels the same way. Maybe all of them are uncaring when it comes to the seriousness of losing members. Maybe that leaves a bad taste in their mouth as they consider whether or not God is calling them to minister on that church field.

There is also the matter of talking down about a former pastor. Sure, no names were called, but the very fact that a pastor’s faults were discussed to another prospective pastor certainly causes us to look as though we are a back stabbing, gossiping group of people. What young pastor in his right mind would choose to come here and deal with these types of people. He doesn’t want to hear what all we found wrong with the pastors of the past for one day he will be a past pastor. It also says that to engage in such degradation of character indicates we (or at least the speaker) isn’t where he needs to be with the Lord. As this speaker has been chosen by a committee to serve on a committee it also says the choosing committee must be just like him or her.

True, facts are that sometimes we choose people to serve or a person to serve simply because they are the only one willing to finish out the number needed. This truth isn’t obvious to an outside.

I am just burdened in our search for a pastor. I feel until each of us members get serious with God and allow God to shut our mouths and still our impulses we will turn every prospect against out church before they ever get to know us.

prejudice all over the place

.I love this line *I’ve often averred that the state Chamber of Commerce keeps a stable of “rednecks” to release when the national media come to town. * and have often *averred* the same thing although I never thought of using that word…..I just said I believe either the CofC knows where the folks are OR the media searches until they find the reddest redneck, countriest country bumpkin, toothlyiest toothless, belly hanging over the belt person they can find to interview!!!!!!!!
Just yesterday on the local news they interviewed a woman whose daughter was caught shoplifting and mama had a shirt made with this printed on it *hide your money, your jewelry, your valuables; I am a thief and they are not safe…or similar and was making the child wear it. BUT mama had on a shirt that had some sort of sexy saying on it. I couldn’t read all of it as it was hidden in the folds of her watermelon boobs and distorted by her non pregnant belly. *grinning*

For a number of years I have known that many people consider us southerners the dumbest, hickist, countriest folk ever. Yep, there are some of those here. But doesn’t every state have their ‘slum’, ‘country’, ‘underprivileged’ areas?

you say less educated people have lesser paying jobs so less can afford cable and are too busy working to make ends meet to watch the news……I can’t recall the exact people, but haven’t I read that some of the wealthiest business men never graduated high school. I had to look it up….read this…it was Dave Thomas I was thinking of, but Peter Jennings was a great athlete but a poor student. http://www.neatorama.com/2009/10/13/7-highly-successful-high-school-dropouts/

But what I wanted to say was…we don’t have cable because cable isn’t offered way out here in the sticks, but we have satellite tv and we have it even though we are less educated..only high school diplomas; even though we work hard for every dollar we earn we do have time to watch the news…we just choose to live life rather than spend it in front of the tv.

I am realizing of late how often I come up against blanket ideas/attitudes/statements concerning people who are not exactly like the speaker. Saw it last night in a VBS (vacation bible school) meeting in 2 of our own church members. I spoke up…*shock*…as I usually do not make waves; but I did. We see the outside. We see what fits into our own circle of comfort. We see what falls within our own personal beliefs and values and YES prejudices. God sees the heart! God sees the heart and it’s about time that people professing to be Christian start living like that rather than their stuck up in the air nose, I am better, God loves me more manner of living and especially the ‘my child will NOT do….’ attitude.

I saw it last week in the people who didn’t want the woman teaching because she has an emotional/mental disorder. Didn’t matter that she wouldn’t do a thing to harm the children…they didn’t want her.

I saw it last night when the name of a woman came up and this woman doesn’t attend regularly, is a recovering alcoholic, has tattoos and dresses differently. I’ve talked with her. I know she feels the distant from some of our church members; she feels their dislike for her. She isn’t stupid. Is it any wonder that she seldom attends church?

I have to wonder if the reason she isn’t attending is due to our last pastor. He had a problem with women who showed any cleavage, especially young women. I wonder if he said something to her about it. He certainly preached about it from the pulpit. She and her husband and children, as well as her parents were coming to church and then suddenly…no more.

Ok, Ok, stepping down off the soap box.

Monday

I’ve been busy here. Busy work day Saturday, Church Sunday. Ana had a friend over and now is at her house. It is spring break so no school CJ let Dylan go spend the weekend with his daddy who is working in Hattiesburg and now BJ won’t bring him home or let CJ come get him. She moved out of Stacie’s last night rather than involve Stacie and us in Human Services, legal issues and probation officers in her efforts to get the kid back. She went to her dad’s which is where Casey is and where she needs to be. I figure she will be back at Stacie’s before long, and then again, maybe not.

Roy made it to La to apply for the job. He’s a diabetic and of course sugar showed up in his urine, so they want him to go to his regular doctor which is the other side of the state. He has no transportation. I can’t help him at the moment. I have customers, Terry is working and Stacie most likely won’t go get him..but will mention it to her when she comes in.

jumping to conclusions

Had plants due in yesterday, actually they should have arrived on Wednesday but didn’t. I called the sales rep who checked with the provider who said they would arrive yesterday, Thursday, March 8. I told Katie they FedEx truck had already flew by here and no plants. She assured me they would arrive per Pinter’s info via FedEx on Thursday.

So, Terry comes in around 11, we shower and get ready to go to H’burg for my appointment with Dr. Marcos the infectious disease doctor. I call Stacie and tell her I have put a note on the whipe off board out front stating to put deliveries in the shade and call…and I put her cell phone number. I also asked her for some of them…she, CJ or Roy to keep a check and make sure they didn’t come and the driver not see the note.

Off we go…see the doctor who explains that as long as I am not actively infected–fever/chills/etc–we do best to not do IV antibiotic, that the bacterium is just sitting there not really causing any problems. However, should I begin to have ongoing fever, pneumonia that will not clear up, other issues, then yes we will need to aggressively treat the bacterium. Otherwise, let’s ride this out because being on long term antibiotics will cause me to build up a resistance to them, also run the risk of infections at the port site which would be required for ongoing IV treatment. Made sense to me…so we depart.

However, he couldn’t pull up any of my exrays, only the notes from Dr. V so I don’t know if he knew what he was talking about. Maybe so, I just felt that something wasn’t right about the appointment in that Dr. V said Dr. M would look at my scans and he couldn’t see them. Either Dr. M is a computer idiot or something else was going on.

Then we went to the tractor/truck place and picked up the dump truck the county had sent over there for repairs..then Logan’s Roadhouse for supper–albeit an early one but I was hungry. After we ate we stopped by C-Spire and bought Terry a new phone. His was damaged and the screen was becoming so black he couldn’t read anything on it. We had checked in Columbia a month ago and they were very snippy and wanted 100.00 for a 79.00 phone and I told them they could keep the damn phone. The people in H’burg were very nice and even transferred his contacts to the new phone and waived the 5.00 fee for doing so. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!

Home by 6 and no plants. I called Stacie and she verified there were none arrived. We fiddled around on the computer and then laid down to watch tv.

When I got up this morning Terry said the plants had come in sometimes last night. He had woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep so he came up to check and there they sat. He took them out of the box and put them on the table in #3 and said the peppers were very tumbled up and looked bad. Bad wasn’t the word for it.

When the kids came down the hill I asked them if they had came up here after school, and both said no. Ana said she didn’t. All said mom didn’t mention to them about coming and checking on the plants so I am thinking the plants may have come in and she just didn’t check and the driver didn’t call her or she didn’t/wouldn’t answer the phone. With the bill collectors who call her all the time, she won’t answer a phone unless she knows who it is.

Then I, assuming the above got pissed off and starting fussing. Roy heard me, got up and told me that he had walked down to the greenhouse after we came in and looked around and no plants. He said he had told Stacie to tell us this but she didn’t. I felt like an idiot. Of course he could just be saying that to hush me up, but then again he could be telling the truth.

Why can’t I wait and gather all the facts before I jump to conclusions and become angry? I can blame it on my health and the meds, but that is just a cop out. I know to wait and see. I told myself to wait and see but still I allowed my own twisted thinking to ruin my serenity for a short while.

I apologized for my outburst and started my day over again..