penguins-circle Shandi’s eating and other things

You asked about Shandi and what was going on when she was put on the meds…according to what Stacie told me the MH doctor determined she was depressed because she was missing her daddy. Also Stacie told them that at times Shandi wasn’t acting normally…coming in from school, doing homework, talking, interacting, playing outside…instead sometimes she wanted to stay in the house playing video games. *excuse me, Stacie, you hole up in your room on your computer with the tv on and the windows darkened out* Supposedly Shandi had the sad look in her eyes.

I comment that I haven’t noticed any changes for the better with Shandi and instead I’ve noticed increased weight gain and more sadness surrounding Shandi. The Abilify was given to her supposedly because she is Oppositional Defiant and I contend we have managed to handle that w/o meds other than her Vyvanse for years. She seldom acts out and only then under extreme duress so why agree to drugs? Drugs won’t fix her and could cause more problems.

Shandi will be 12 the 16 of April. she has turned from a slender, smiling, beautiful little girl into a sullen, chubby little girl who always seems sad or angry about something. Maybe some of it is hormonal as she has started her period…but still.

Ana talked her mom into letting her go to a movie with her friend and his mother tonight so it was Stacie, Terry and I who went out to eat. We had a pleasant conversation concerning Ana, Stacie’s behavior and even Shandi. I don’t believe the problem is solved. I am not that naive. I am choosing my times and my words and dishing it out a little at a time. I am trying to explore all avenues or will beginning next week when I can actually talk with some people I know I need to speak with concerning custody issues. I am feeling my way concerning Shandi. Stacie says she will give me the passcode to be able to speak with Shandi tomorrow so I am taking a wait and see attitude there. With Shandi there is a glitch as she is a mama’s girl. Ana has always been a momo’s girl and ironically that is how it was in MY life. I was my grandma’s child, my sister was my mother’s child. Funny, huh?
l,
k

On Sat, Mar 31, 2012 at 11:13 AM, <woodleyp1> wrote:

Hi Klara. The burden of life there on the hill is an awfully heavy one for an elf such as yourself to carry.

I have a lot of thoughts about all this but rather than add to your burden, I think I’ll just send huge hugs and love your way and let you know I am filled with compassion for you and all your loved ones who are struggling with all the human issues on such a grand scale.

I am deeply concerned about a child as young as Shandi being on three such powerful psychotropic medications. And, to tell you the truth, I had to get up and walk away from the computer and pace and mumble-curse when I read that the MH doctor said 40 pounds of weight gain in a few months is due to puberty. For god’s sake, we all went through puberty! Did we gain 40 pounds in 4 months? No, we did not. How many people do we know who did? Who is that doctor kidding? I’ll tell you who. Himself. Or herself. Fucking idiot.

I am very glad Shandi is going into a MH facility for evaluation. I hope they will remove her from those meds and observe her. What was Shandi doing to get on those meds in the first place? Tell me again how old she is–11? 12?

Poor Ana. I am so glad you are there to offer some protection. Is there a social worker involved with Stacie or Ana or Shandi? If so, maybe you could talk to her about the possibility of getting custody of Ana. If not, you need to speak to an attorney or a family services liason provided by the courts–maybe in Hattiesburg? If you have a Hattiesburg phone book, look up Legal Aid and/or Legal Services. If Stacie has given them permission to talk to you, you can also ask the professionals who are treating Shandi at the hospital what legal steps you might take to help this family.

My heart is with you, Klara. I want things in your world to get better so badly!! You deserve serenity as much as anybody I have ever known! Love you, Pam

In a message dated 3/30/2012 8:55:54 P.M. Central Daylight Time, here.is.elf writes:

Lordy what a day, what a week, what a life.
We all know that for years, in fact all their life, Stacie has favored Shandi. Even in the worse of her times, Shandi was the one she spoke gently to, the one she hugged while biting Ana’s head off and pushing her away. She denies it every time I mention it. I saw it. Time and time again. I do not exaggerate.
We all know Ana has lived in the shed for a number of months now; since before Christmas? or right after. She does well. From time to time I remind her to clean it up, but over all she does well. She stays over here with me a lot, watching tv and on the computer as she doesn’t have tv in her sheddage other than the ability to watch movies and internet connection isn’t the best out there.

So, CJ and her crew moved out and now Stacie is insisting that Ana move back up there. The kid doesn’t want to deliberately move into a house where she is used as a maid, yelled at and otherwise made to feel less than human.

Since Christmas or a bit before Shandi has put on about 40 pounds. I think in October she weighed around 97 and yesterday she weighed 137 or 139, I forget. She is on anti-depressants (Zoloft) she takes Vyvanse and Abilify…all medications prescribed by the mental health doctor. She goes to counseling as does Ana. Shandi will get up in the middle of the night according to Stacie and eat a whole pack of cookies, a can of tuna or whatever else she can find to eat. She wants to eat huge amounts when she does eat. On Sunday morning when we have pancakes, she wants 4-6; waffles she can easily eat 2 and they are not small waffles. I have been concerned about her and thought a lot of it might be attributed to the over load (in my opinion) of medication. Stacie says it’s because she misses her daddy as she is a daddy’s girl too, not having reached the point of disliking him as Ana has.

So last week Stacie talked with the MH doctor about Shandi’s weight and she said oh, that was normal gain due to hormonal changes as she enter puberty. Maybe so, maybe not. Yesterday the girls see their MH counselor and she is very concerned and calls the office in Columbia to have Shandi evaluated for admittance into Pine Grove Mental Health Facility to figure out why she eats through out the night and whatever else is going on with her. That appointment was today. When Stacie picks Shandi up, she picks Ana up too.

They return from the appointment around 3 to pick up Shandi’s clothes and take her to Hattiesburg for admittance as she told the people who evaluated her that she had thoughts of harming herself. I have a customer who ends up buying over 300.00 worth when stacie comes in, thankfully Terry had made it in from work…as I hear Stacie scream at Ana to bring her her (Ana’s) phone. I leave Terry with the customer and walk to the house to find Shandi standing out on the sidewalk. As I walk up she turns to me and says, "They are in there arguing, momo, and I have to go in the hospital." I walk in and am met with an extremely angry Stacie. She yells at me that Ana has to get a better attitude. I reply that mama does too and if mama pattern a better attitude daughter might follow suit. Stacie yells that Ana can either move up to her house or she will send her to her daddys. I tell Stacie that is most cruel thing she could ever say to the child. She yells back that Ana is cruel to her, turns and throws Ana at me and jumps in the truck and leaves with Shandi.

Turns out Ana told her mom she would move up to the house and she would do it today, BUT, she wouldn’t clean up behind her mom or Shandi. She would clean her own room, wash her own dishes and any messes she cleaned up would be messes she made. That incensed Stacie as having a maid is one of the reasons she wants Ana up there and being told what she will and won’t do does not sit well with mama. She told Ana no, the room wasn’t clean. Ana says I will clean it. Stacie says no, I don’t want you messing in my house. I give up on you. You hate me so I just give up and that’s about the time I walk up on the mess.

When Stacie leaves I tell Ana to change clothes and come to the nursery as I will NOT let Stacie come dragging her off or yelling at her again. Stacie leaves heading to Pine Grove with Shandi with no incidents involving Ana. Ana helps us a bit at the nursery, then goes home to clean the sheddage.

While at church, around 6 or so, Stacie text me and said Shandi was admitted, was doing fine but she (Stacie) wasn’t. I empathized with her as I know it’s hard to walk away and leave your child somewhere like that. I come home and about an hour later Stacie leaves me a voice mail letting me know she is going to Jamie’s. She apologizes, says to tell her daughter she is sorry. She doesn’t know what comes over her, she is taking her meds but still was a bitch and she is sorry.

I realize that Stacie has been diagnosed bi-polar/manic depressive. I think some times she uses this as an excuse to show her ass. I don’t think she actively works on getting better. I think she wants to be classified disabled so she can draw a disability check like some other people she knows. I admit that in many ways she is disabled. I wouldn’t want to work with her. I am embarrassed by her a lot of times. Like at church last night, when she wouldn’t let Shandi have another piece of pizza. The child had only had 2 slices and I figure if Stacie can buy bags of cookies and have them as temptations why not let the child have a 3rd piece of pizza. Geez. She flounces around and talks loud and so many other things. I’m exhausted by her.

Terry and I discussed filing for custody of Ana. Ana mentioned she had thought about asking us to file for custody of her. I know we probably could but it would sure drive a wedge between Stacie and us. However if Stacie continues to verbally abuse Ana I will be forced to do something. I have to wonder if maybe Stacie isn’t doing the same to Shandi and Shandi just doesn’t tell me and that is why she is binge eating. Maybe it isn’t all missing her dad but only part missing him and part putting up with her bitchy mom.

Does anyone know where to start to find out the process for filing for custody? I’m brain dead tonight, working at the nursery, working at the church and playing devil’s advocate and peace maker.

So, any prayers, any positive thoughts, any suggestions would be accepted.

l,
k

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