to visit or not to visit

At the risk of sounding cold, I will share a recent event; as recent as today.

Daughter, who isn’t actively addicted to my knowledge, but lazy and mentally unbalanced, has been seeing a man about 2 hours distance from here. She rode down yesterday on her motorcycle to visit, spent the night and on the way home this evening had a bike wreck…I suppose she was on her way home as she had her backpack with her. She is in the hospital, scraped, bruised, heavily sedated. I haven’t a clue how this happened, what shape the bike is in, where it is..nothing.

The ex is home from work, spending time with the girls. I told him, he took them to see their mom, called me and updated me, now he and the girls are spending the night with my son who lives about 10 minutes from the hospital. I haven’t gone. I won’t go until I am needed.

Why haven’t I gone?
Various reasons. Some good, some not so good. Some kind toward me, some unkind toward daughter. I will lay them out here for ya’ll’s contemplation:

Practically, what could I do? She is sedated. My time is valuable. She isn’t dying to my knowledge and alanon teaches if the house isn’t on fire, if they aren’t dying…then don’t stress. Emotionally, I don’t want to go. I have serious health issues but still run my nursery business part time, water daily and have a part time job as a church treasurer. I also have gathered the vegetables and canned them this summer, all while she laid up in the bed and slept or played on her computer or rode the roads on that bike.

Yes, she’s my daughter, but do I owe her undying allegiance, attention. and sympathy when she is incapable of giving back?

I raised her. I continue to help her to some degree since she is a single mom…even though I know plenty of single moms with less than she has who make it. She doesn’t want to help herself, therefore, I don’t feel a lot of empathy or compassion toward her.

Cold, yes. Realistic, yes. Right, I don’t know, but it’s what I’m doing at the moment.

Last year when she was in a car wreck and broke her foot, I took her to the doctor, paid for the visits, when she got her insurance money, I wasn’t repaid.

I do not want a repeat of that.

I’ve read that if we lay with the dogs long enough we will wake up with fleas. I, for one, am tired of having fleas and am making some positive steps to cut the apron strings with my daughter as I have done with my son. I may be making a drastic cut by my actions. Only time will tell. But it is what I am doing today. Tomorrow, I may decide to go visit her, IF she is alert and capable of having a reasonable conversation..after I finish up what I have planned for the morning. 🙂

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