What a week

What a week. What a day. Thank you, Lord for the blessings of my life. Daughter came home from rehab/mental help unit on Tuesday evening. This required me driving 50 miles one way to pick her up after working at the Farmer’s Market from 7-1. Then it was home in time to change shirts and make it to the church to prepare for the craft for the night. Talk about tired.

Today is Saturday, June, 21 and it’s 9:27 PM and until this evening I hadn’t heard from daughter. I would have heard from her then had I not texted her. She says she’s adjusting to the new meds. They did change her anti-depressant from Depakote to (Hmm, I forgot) anyway, she has to (Oh yes, effexor) take it in the morning and it makes her drowsy. Yep, made me that way too and nauseous. That’s why I don’t take them now.

Today, Terry and I mowed the church yard. We couldn’t yesterday due to VBS going on. As he finished up, he was riding around the parking lot letting the mower blades blow the trash away from the church–the preacher walked over to ask me about a gift for a member and then asked if Terry was mowing the parking lot–hahaha—I told him what he was doing, preacher walked in the church and ***shatter***I heard the window break into a million, gazillion pieces. Oh well…now this is a window, the driver’s side window, not the windshield.

I already have a claim # and will call someone Monday.

Ana went to her friend, Brieanna’s on Thursday night. She will stay until they either get sick of each other or school starts. Shandi is still at Brenda’s. I called tonight to check on them and Shan says she is still mad at her mother and she isn’t ready to come home yet and she isn’t coming home yet!!!! 😀 😀 She did say and this time I’m not backing down., I’m through being the sweet one who always gives in, and I’m old enough to make some choices on my own!! Bless her heart.

I came in from mowing, and made the claim on the window and then made 3 batches of jelly. I fought with the round labels I bought–Avery labels–downloaded a template as I didn’t have one in Publisher for that label. It would work, but geez, I have to copy/paste from the first one to the other 11. No time for that. Went to Avery’s website where they have the *design and print online* option. Designed the label, printed it, didn’t line up. These are Avery labels, This is Avery’s website, This is Avery’s doings. I re-adjusted and still no joy. I looked and looked for a label in publisher that even came close and FINALLY, this evening, after almost pulling all my hair out, FOUND one. Designed my writing, printed them on plain paper and glued them to the lid. I wasn’t sure the glue would hold but so far, it’s doing well. Now, I have the name of the jelly, my name, ingredients and size on the lid..easy to read from behind the table; easy to read by the customer. I put the Cottage Industry label down the smooth side of the jar and all is good. (All the jars we buy or textured and labels will not stick to textured glass)

I think that is about it–other than I’m glad VBS is over and I had the greatest help this year. Lesleigh Clark and Dana Grimes. Lesleigh is pregnant, but was there every night and did so well. I am training her to take over the crafts. Yes!!!! Dana is good help where ever you put her and has such a happy outlook. Love both of them to pieces.

Update on daughter

Late afternoon, May 30, she got her phone call. She denied any knowledge of drugs.

On Saturday, May 31, I learned her bond was 25,000.00. No way we could go that.
On Monday, June 2, 2014 I spoke with Pete Williams, the arresting officer. I learned she was in Walmart parking lot, acting strange, law was called and when drugs were suspected, he was called in. She was high on meth and had meth in her possession. The truck was towed and she was arrested. If this was her first offense, then possibly she would get drug court and probation along with a fine.
That evening she called me crying, wanting out. I told her what I knew, we got off phone. Tuesday evening she called to tell me she was admitted to Marion County General Hospital with possible sepsis (yes she did have sepsis) UTI, kidney and bladder infection. She stayed in ICU until Friday the 6th when they put her in a room. They released her on Saturday.
It’s been rough-she called several times daily, crying, wanting Shandi to come stay with her, moaning and groaning, feeling sorry for herself. She called me and she called Shandi. She never called her dad or Ana. We visited her on Tuesday night. Shandi and I visited her on Thursday and even took her a Subway sandwich. Still she worried the crap out of us daily calling and whining. Finally I told her I didn’t have time for all that, I knew she was sick and I understood the emotional upheaval an illness causes, but I had my hands full.
When we picked her up I gave her the ground rules for until she goes to grand jury-no men can come to her house and she can’t go to theirs; if Bruce H. is seen on the property he will be arrested. If drugs and the likes of him is what she wants, then don’t waste our time, pack and leave when she gets home. I keep the kids child support card and will manage that from now on-she has wasted their money on drugs and junk long enough. That stops now.
Judy and Robert came up on Thursday-so between Stacie’s situation and company and my own chores I about went my limit by Sunday. I made it to Sunday School, came home, crawled in bed and slept most of the evening. Then I got up and worked a bit getting ready for the Columbia Market tomorrow. I also have an appointment with Sylvia S to discuss options, directions and counseling for the girls.

Thoughts on daughter

I wrote this in my e-alanon group in response to a member’s question…
I am the mother of a 1. son who has been in recovery, has finally, (to my knowledge) managed to abstain from the use of hard drugs for a number of years. He still drinks though. I am also the mother of a mentally ill daughter who has/possibly/apparently still is using drugs since she was arrested this past week–first time on drug charges. Felony drug charges so I am told. *sigh*

I thought I had it all figured out with son. I began al-anon in ’88 and struggled through detachment/acceptance/letting go…all the other principles of the program as he was in and out of jail and rehabs. Finally, I had to send him packing since I had grandchildren he was endangering, so letting go and detachment was much easier. Daughter situation not so much–it was her children that son was endangering with his association with drug dealers. Still, as much as possible, she had to carry her own weight.

I really thought the past few months she was getting life in order. Her meds seemed to be working. She was calm under pressure, helping me out some, actively looking for a job. Then she began to not show up to help me, instead choosing to spend time with men, laid up in bed all day or sitting on the bank of the creek fishing. Her youngest told me she spent a lot of time trying to get men to come see her.

Then she left Tuesday, and when I finally heard from her or her where-a-bouts on Friday, she was in jail. She’s never spent time in jail before. She’s 39. She has 2 wonderful kids, ages 15 and 14. She claims it wasn’t her drugs. I say it was on her, in her possession or in the vehicle she was driving which is registered to her father.

I think it’s a mother thing to think of our children, regardless. I think al-anon helps us to not obsess over them, to not do for them what they are capable of doing for themselves, to not base our happiness on what they are doing.
I think of my daughter. I love my daughter. I am very angry at my daughter. I am very hurt by her actions. I even feel sorry for my daughter. To know that she has such problems that she will go to any length to feel good about herself breaks my heart, but I can’t fix it.

Alanon has taught me to step back, weigh the situation, learn the facts, get my answers, then make a calculated decision based on information I have not on my emotions. If I made a decision based on my emotions it would not be good. I’m not sure a decision based on facts will be right, but at least it will be an intelligent decision not an emotional decision..

I miss my daughter. I look up the hill where the truck she used was always sitting. It isn’t there now. It’s at my house. I then realize she is in jail, the truck is back home and she isn’t. It’s sad. These are normal emotions we mothers have; or anyone who cares about another person. I have always wanted my daughter to be happy. I am learning that isn’t my job nor should I allow her happiness or lack thereof to effect me. Happiness is an inside job.

It is sad, so sad to know where our children take themselves, the pain they go through and we can’t put a band-aid on it like we did when they were children. But regardless, unless they are babies, they have choices. They just sometimes make the wrong ones.