Drama Dad

SMH
Can’t figure this young generation! What does our pastor call them? Milleniums? I call them self-centered, egotistical, selfish peeps!
Example: The girls dad….I know a few weeks ago when he was home and had them for the weekend that he told them he would let them be homeschooled and they could live part time with him and part time with their uncle and me. I don’t know for a fact, but I imagine that he promised them all sorts of wonderful things, building up an ideal life for them with his words or at least in their minds.
Now, 2 weeks or a bit more later, he is saying: Shan still wants to come live with me, but with everything going on with (new girlfriend) there is no way. Too much drama.”
Too much drama???? Excuse me!!! What does maw do when the drama gets knee deep? I certainly don’t send them back to dad nor up to mom’s. I just wade on through the drama and sometimes sink up to my eyeballs in it, but with the help of God I make it to dry land and the walk is easier for while. Then just as I think it’s smooth sailing, along comes a rock in the path and I stumble over it and down a go, but only for a brief moment!!
I wonder how a child feels when dad says to her one week–You can come live me and I’ll………..(fill in the promises) and then less than a month later he is saying there is too much drama? I know I’d feel unloved, unwanted, discarded, useless, worthless. I know I’d feel as though everything else in my father’s life took precedence over me.
The oldest girl had already decided she didn’t want to go live with dad. She’s fairly level headed, thinks things through after a bit and sees some of life realistic. Still to know dad doesn’t want the younger one tells her that he wouldn’t want her either, tells her that a dramatic life prevents him from being a parent.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad. I don’t see it ever working out with him working offshore, with his temper, with his inability to manage money and to keep a woman. But the fact remains that he has put drama ahead of his children, drama in the form of a woman, as always.

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Blessings

September 20, 2014

So often the day begins just like any other day but ends with a warm feeling reminding you that God has given you a special gift and you are indeed using it. Now I’m not rightly sure what to call this gift, but seems I’ve had it all my life. I like to call it the gift of listening.

Don’t get me wrong-the older I get the more I find I don’t listen to the little nit picky things things that are said, but apparently I appear to be listening because lots of people seem to enjoy bending my ear and I feel honored to have my ear bent.

Just Thursday at the Farmer’s Market, a regular customer whom I’ll call Mr. F dropped by, as he does every Thursday. I have watched him for weeks now, and he has several of us vendors that he prefers and he spends quite a bit of time with each of us. By ‘quite a bit of time’ I mean up to if not longer than 30 minutes. He stopped by my booth, asked a couple questions, realized he didn’t have something he brought me (a list of ingredients for an arthritis salve) so off he went to get that and visit his other ‘friends’. Eventually he returned and as always he bought something-then he talked. He shared about his children and their personalities, how they were good kids but didn’t have any ambition to speak of. He seemed to need to unload so I let him, after all I wasn’t going anywhere.

After he had visited he says to me:" you know, I don’t know much about you, but I find you to be a good person and I know I sure enjoy talking to you" I smiled and thanked him and after he thanked me for allowing him to vent, he was off with the promise to see me next week.

Friday was another one of those days-I learned my son had gotten bailed out of jail. Maybe just temporarily, but he was out to work, to enjoy freedom, to see about clearing some of the charges against him and Ana informed me and her paw that she just didn’t believe she would move to her dad’s because she couldn’t leave her friends and me and paw!!! Thank you, sweet Jesus, I didn’t want her to go!

I also enjoyed a brief chat with the pastor when I walked over to thank him for picking up the toys and the hose from his yard before they left and I got to that part to mow. They are good folks, young, and nerdy, but they mean well and they are truly wanting to do what God calls them to do. We just give them a hard time-well some of us do anyway.

Today, the girls had appointments to get their hair cut. That took over 3 hours but I have two very happy girls with their new do’s and therefore, maw is happy. Then we came back and helped paw split some wood for the winter with the wood splitter. I managed the lever that made the splitter work, the girls moved the split wood to a pile and kept the big pieces rolled over to paw. We might have to ‘drag’ them out to work, but once you get them there they work their little hineys off–well their hiney’s aren’t really little, but you get the idea. 😀

I cooked out my muscadines and have them setting in the water till tomorrow, fixed the girls some late lunch/early supper, washed a million dishes, ordered herbs and painted fingernails. I have 2 pans of pears of peel some time in the future, church tomorrow, a trip to Jackson with Paw Monday to see about his eye, (prayers appreciated) and Farmer’s Marktet Tuesday. Oh yeah, and we go to the nursing home after church tomorrow. I’ll get those pears Wednesday. They will keep till then I am sure.

But I didn’t start writing to list out all I’ve done and all I have to do. I started writing to express my total gratitude for the life I have, the grandchildren I have and the blessings that enter my life daily. I had such a good time visiting with the lady who cuts their hair. I had a phone call from a customer asking about a particular jelly and even though she had to remind me who she was-we had a pleasant visit. She asked about my husband, she wished me a good day and such as that simply warms my heart.

I was pondering that and the attitudes of some people I know and realized that some people simply are never satisfied. They want it all. They want it their way. If they can’t have it all and their way then they will do everything they can to make everyone around them miserable. They will nit pick on everyone that doesn’t fit into their little capsule and in the process they are robbing their own soul of the joy of feeling blessed, of the contentment of living their OWN life before the Lord and letting everyone else do the same.

Thank you, Lord that I am who am I. Help me Lord to become an even better ME.

Ordination

Image

This young man is like a son to me. He and my son (the one in jail) grew up together, drank together, got into trouble together and could have gone to jail together–but my son would not rat out his friend. I am glad that there is honor among thieves-literally-today that is. Back when, I wasn’t so full of compassion and love for others. Back when I wanted anyone and everyone involved to pay the same as my son was paying. But that wasn’t in the plan God had for the lives of all involved and through all the days and nights of living with a child with addictions, I have grown and learned so much.

When this young man was in his teens, probably 16, 17–rather than go to school he went to work with his dad at a lumber yard. He somehow got his arm caught in the machinery and ended up losing the arm. For a number of years following the accident– Dana would stop by my house and sit at the table where I would be painting and talk to me about his life, his problems, his thoughts, his missing limb, his girlfriends. Sometimes even late, late at night he would drive by, see a light on and stop.

Eventually he met he a good woman, married and settled down to help raise the daughter she brought into the marriage and the son they had together. He went through years of heavy drinking and the problems that can cause in a family. He never spent time in jail, but I am sure his wife went through hell during those years–until a few years ago when something happened within the marriage that caused Dana to realize it was time to clean up his act–and so he did.

He began coming to church. He stopped drinking. He began to be the husband his wife always knew he could be and this past Sunday night he was ordained as a deacon in our church–his ordination occurred on the same night as I learned my own flesh and blood child had been incarcerated after 5+ years of freedom.

It occurred to me at some point during the ordination service that had he not chosen to follow his addiction down it’s ugly path, my own son could be standing in the same position as Dana. In fact the Sunday the deacons were announced I told Dana and his wife that I couldn’t be more proud than if it were my own son. In fact, Dana said that I was as much his mom as his own which truly warmed my heart–but this wasn’t my flesh and blood standing up there and while I found the “answer to a prayer” (see previous post) and the fact that while my own son was sitting in jail, my *might as well be* son was being ordained, not only funny in a twisted sort of way and ironic–the one thing I did notice was no feelings of resentment, anger or jealousy toward this young man or his family for the joy there were experiencing. That my friend, was the true blessing of the night for me!!!!

Only a person who really knows me would know how much this says to me and about me. I grew up filled with insecurities and doubt, seeing the world as a huge scary place and the people in it as out to best me. Years of al-anon and self therapy, prayer and work have brought me to this place I find myself today. Yes, I can still feel smug and vindicated when certain things happen to certain people. I’m not proud of that, but I’m still human; I’m also still a work in progress. I am very thankful to God that He has brought me this far, allowed me to grow, allowed me to see where I fail and where I succeed. My God is an awesome God!!!!!

Answered Prayer-I think

9/14/14
I sit here tonight just pondering on the latest developments in this roller coaster I call life. The girls are wanting to go live with daddy part time and my son in Louisana the other part–I love my son but there is so much chaos, drinking, disorder, confusion and God only knows what else that I simply am not comfortable with them staying there for more than a day or two. The girls think their dad will set homeschooling up for them, and they can do school when they darn well please, they can do school and live with dad when he is home from work and they can go my son’s and do school there when dad goes back offshore and it simply isn’t going to work that way..so…
I’ve prayed and asked God to handle this situation-work things out so that the girls can’t go to my son’s either because their father won’t allow them to, or they decide they don’t want to or my son doesn’t have time or space for them.
So today I get a phone call from son’s step-son. Seems my son is in jail, aggravated assault and illegal possession of a firearm. When the law was called to break up the fight son was involved in at his home and the law walked into their home, propped up by the door was a gun–son is a felon so cannot be around guns and there goes that charge against him.
God sure has a way of answering prayers. With son in jail there is no way my girls are going there either from my house nor their dads. I simply do not seeing daddy agreeing to them going there without my son there.
It’s funny, but it isn’t funny. I hate son is in jail. He’s been out of jail now for about 5 years and lets himself get into a fight and off he goes. Of course I have been knowing that the time was nearing near. Son has never been good at freedom for more than 5 years and more often it has been 3 years then he blows a gasket and does something that lands him in jail. He had been doing so well, working, fixing up the house his woman owns, just really a likeable person when he wasn’t drunk…but now who knows when he will get out if he does.
I think about that; the pain of knowing a child is in jail, the fear of knowing the other adult child might end up there within the next few months and the fear of not having the girls here and I have to say that such things as *I wasn’t given the right information* simply fade into the background and people who become so focused on such petty things should stop and count their many blessings.

Letting Go

As I sit here this morning I have to smile at how life certainly is never the same. There are always surprises, changes, problems, victories, losses. To me, it is what makes life–well, life.

The girls spent the weekend with their dad on the coast where he lives. The came home yesterday evening-him dragging in 2 kids that belong to the new woman he is talking to at the time. There are always some other woman’s kids hanging on, draining him, taking his attention. But I digress.

The girls informed me they wanted to go live with dad. Dad says he simply wants everyone to be on the same page with this. As a non-custodial person in the mix, I don’t legally have a say, but I told them that if that was what they wanted, I was all for it–however, when they left, Dad would be responsible for Ana’s phone bill which I now pay. I also told them that barring some legitimate disaster, they would not move down there, then a month or so later get all upset with dad and move bck. We would not start the yo-yo effect with living arrangements. Of course they agree.

Mom, however, initially did not. Her first thoughts were no child support, therefore she couldn’t pay her bills. Heck, she only gets child support about 5 months out of a year now. She feared she would lose her Medicaid insurance. I believe it is income based not number of children based and without child support,she has no income. She stated she would get on her bike and drive away if this happens because she would not ask her dad and I to help her. Excuse me, who helps her now?

She could clean out the little shed apartment and move in there. If she wanted internet, she’d have to either come over here or pay for it there as even a strong router won’t quite reach the shed not for good connection. The tv box could be moved out there so she would have TV and she’d have to be conservative with electric use, but otherwise she could make it especially if she found her some little job or miracle of miracles–was finally approved for disability. I’d prefer she go to work. I know she could find something even with all her problems; after all, I did.

But that is just me.

I talked with the girls this morning. I assured them I wanted what was best for them, but I reminded them of the problems that would–not might–but WOULD arise with their father. Job loss is inevitable. It’s a given with him. No job will mean no phone for them while he continues to hang onto his. No job means he gets irritable and loses his temper quickly and this, my friends, is NOT a pretty sight. They have never seen that side of him. They will be totally dependant on him for medical insurance and doctor and dental visits and he is not a very responsible person. There just are a lot of things he will not see to in a timely fashion which they have no clue about.

On the other hand–learning all these things first hand may be one of the best life lessons they can learn.

So for now, with that being said–I am truly working on Letting Go and Letting God.