Who I am/who I want to be

We can’t get away from ourselves, at least not entirely. ….

There is no rule that says I have to be and think and act the same way my whole life. Today is a clean slate. I can be who I want to be.

This struck a chord with me, especially the last part. Every day of my life/every phase of my life has been a clean slate and I have written onto that slate the ME I wanted to be; for the most part anyway. Some days I want to be this woman in long flowing skirts, with wildly colored hair and lots of knowledge to share. I have the skirts; I look like crap in them!!! I have almost white hair that would color up wildly-so why not? Fear of what others will think? Fear my one or two good friends won’t want to be seen with me? My grand (16 year old) colors her hair every color she desires. I love that freedom. Knowledge, I have a bit, but forget more than I know.

I may begin to re-invent ME and not worry about others think!!!! It is, after all, a clean slate and for that I am thankful.

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Shan-roo and Robby

I should have known something was up when Robby texted me this morning asking what his dad was doing. I answered back that we were trying to get ready to put plastic on a greenhouse. He said he’d talk with him later.

Then I forgot about it and went to work. I had a lot to do since I was leaving early to take Shan to her doctor’s appointment.

While picking Shan up from school the teacher told me about Shandi not wanting to put away her unfinished math page to start on language. She said she finally got Shan to work on some of the language problems, but not before Shan had pulled her math out to work on it again. When I talked with her this evening about it, she did say she liked math better than language. So maybe because she can do the math and she struggles with language, she would rather do math.

Just as we arrived at the clinic this evening my phone alerted me to text message. I didn’t recognize the number, and the message was “what you doing”. I replied back that I was taking to the doc. I was asked if she was sick and I replied that it was for a checkup, and who is this.

“Boo” was the answer I got. Boo is the nickname for Paula, one of Robby’s first girlfriends, way back when he was still a teenager. Then I get the message that says “Robby says hi”. So I say hi back then ask…is Robby there? The answer I received was NOT what I wanted to read. Yes, this is Robby and I’ve been here a couple of days. Seems according to Robby his boss is in trouble money wise and Robby needed to get out of the area they were working. He got Paula to come get him.

We sign in to see the doctor. The waiting room is full and knowing that we were to finish up Dr. Charles day, I wonder how late does he stay. Big kids, little kids, quiet kids, screaming kids, yelling parents, popping kid parents….it was mayhem in there. After about 30 minutes Shan says the noise is so loud she is getting a headache. I suggested she close her eyes and tune the noise out…which she does.

Our appointment was at 4 and finally at 5:45 we see Dr. Charles. Her urine culture didn’t grow anything. This is good because it means her body hasn’t become resistent to the antibiotic. Still, with the kidney deflux, he would prefer having the test done to check things out, as would I. So he writes up that order and we will receive a phone call concerning the date later.

Then we talk about Shandi. He still hasn’t gotten the recent evaluation from Dr. Jolly. He askes lots of questions about her school work, what help is she getting, and how is her behavior. He believes that medication isn’t the answer for Shan, instead she needs help in school-tutoring, special ed, whatever it takes. Still he won’t take her off her meds right now.

He told me to keep doing what I was doing school wise–pushing for help. He also said that if the school needed to talk with him, have them call him.

I believe I will contact the SPED contact at school and see if she will call him, or should I call and ask for an evaluation from him. Still, I would rather see the report from Dr. Jolly myself first, which should be coming in any day.

We go back to see Dr. Charles in 2 months. For refills, rather than seeing him monthly, we can call for the prescription and then stop by and pick it up, which is very convenient for us.