Not to blame

Reading from Hazelden a while back:

I Did Not Cause It

I did not cause my child to become an addict. As a parent, I don’t possess that power.

When my children were little, I imagined I had all kinds of power. I could decide when it was time for their nap–but they might play in their cribs instead of sleeping. I could serve up a healthy dinner–but if they didn’t want to eat the small mound of lima beans on their plates, They Did Not! I could teach my children right from wrong and good from bad, but my word alone often wasn’t enough, and they experimented to see how those rights and wrongs worked. It soon became clear that while I could be their guide, my children were going to be who they were meant to be. My real power as a mother was simply to love them. (And to annoy them and make them mad.) As a parent, I was perceived to be too nosey, too clingy, and, on occasion, not clingy enough. I hurt my children’s feelings. I made them feel angry, sad, unheard, and misunderstood. At times I hovered like a helicopter mom–at other moments I might have flown too far away.

I am an imperfect mom. But imperfect parenting does not cause children to become addicts.

If that were so, every child would grow up to be an addict.

Too many people are spoiling their existence carrying needless guilt and shame.

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The Now Ex Electrician

October 30, 2017

Let me tell ya’ll a story of my ex-electrician.

This story began way back in the 70’s; maybe early 80’s—don’t remember. We bought our first central air conditioner and hired this man to install it. From then on he became our ‘go to’ man for the AC problems, the refrig problems, washer and dryer issues—anything with electricity going to he helped us with it.

We never had to call him extremely often-he always came within a reasonable amount of time; surprisingly because he was a 1 man show. He was honest, he was reasonable in charges, always respectful.

Through the years we developed a friendship—he, hubby and I. We would laugh and joke, share stories, and I even shared some of home canned goods with him.

When we had the greenhouse business, he came and bought plants; brought his girlfriend to buy flowers and always had a running banter going.

After the nursery business was closed, he would call and offer me peas, greens or other fresh food. Terry and I would go gather it; or if Terry couldn’t go with me I’d go alone. I could never gather much and always had to choose the time of day because of my health issues, but I always did my part. He knew about my health, he would help pick, but never picked for me.

One day last summer he called and said he has some fresh corn if I wanted to come pick it. I assured him I was very thankful for the offer, but at the moment I had too many things going on and simply didn’t have time to come pick corn. I had just brought Terry home from having and upper GI, had Farmer’s Market the next day , church the next—it just wasn’t going to work. But again I thanked him for the offer.

Click.

Without a word he hung up on me.

Later on that afternoon I received a text message saying: What if I might just not have time to come fix your stuff.

I replied: There are a lot more electricians in the ocean than you and I know a lot of them.

With that, not another word was said between us; although he did call Terry a few months back to see if he wanted to go fishing in the Mississippi River with him. Terry refused as he doesn’t like the fish from that river and he doesn’t like to go off with people who carry on and possibly drink a whole lot.

Well, then the lightening took out a lot of stuff here back several months ago—our neighbor came right up and tried to get us the AC back going—so we got him to do all the other work we had to do to prepare for a new roof—moving electric lines and fixing the AC and a few other things. The thermostat we replaced was burned-and I’m sure Terry mentioned that, as well as having to replace a lot of wires out at the heater to our now ex electrician.

Over the weekend the temps were going to drop into the 30’s. I changed the batteries in the heater thermostat on Thursday, but it wouldn’t show numbers, so Friday I bought a new one, and we installed it that night. Saturday morning we get up, turn the thermostat to heat and nothing. We check out several things, but still no heater firing up, so Terry calls our neighbor, who is out of town. He then calls our now ex electrician, leaves a message and gets a return call from him. He tells Terry he has to go into La first but he will be up here around lunch time.

He then asks Terry why didn’t we call him for the other electrical work we had to have to done to which Terry said; “You were mad at Klara, so I didn’t figure you would come”

Well, when I came up the highway on the way home from work Saturday his work truck was sitting in his yard—that was 12:10. We waited and waited and finally around 2 Terry called but got no answer. I called and left a message but no answer. I sent a text but no answer. That was Saturday; temps dropped to around 33 outside Saturday night, early Sunday morning-but still no work from the now ex-electrician.

However—We had just had a new metal roof and insulated windows put in the house. My house was built in ’76, it is old. It’s brick but it’s been through a lot.

With the new roof/with insulation between the metal roof and the existing roof and the new windows, the lowest the temperature got in my house was 64 degrees. Thank you Lord. I didn’t need that now ex-electrician to make sure I didn’t get cold. Hubby’s decision to do the roof and windows and the good Lord took care of us. I am so excited about that.

Terry went today and bought the part (we think is/was the problem) and replaced it. It’s not cold enough really to see for sure, and I told Terry to not worry about it until we needed to.

Terry called our neighbor about the part, but he didn’t have one, but told Terry where to get it. He also told Terry that if that didn’t work, let him know and he would come check it out. God is good!

We plan to talk with the neighbor about a young man he trained-we are thinking of getting him as our regular electrician when our neighbor can’t come. The young man has already been highly recommended by a friend of ours.

So, when someone tries to hurt—remember this—if you’re a child of God, you are behind His wall of protection!!!!!

wild and crazy day…ummm…several days

Saturday, maybe, odd phone calls started coming in–no Caller ID, collect, but no info. I figured Stacie had been transferred out for processing, but hadn’t stopped to check it out.
The calls continued Sunday, Monday, and today…
I stopped answering.
Last night I had WMU after working at baking bread all day and cleaning.
Today I had FM. Shandi had a hair cut scheduled and a nail appointment. She had never had a manicure and I felt she deserved one.
I’m waiting out in the car so as not to smell the chemicals when I see my little church friend who was in the wreck waddle into the salon. I get out and follow her. While I"m in there, phone rings with the No Caller ID, then it rings again with a Laurel, Ms. number. I answer and it’s Roy, looking for his truck keys. His dad has bailed him out of jail and he wants his truck. I hand the phone to Shandi, she tells him where they are, I give permission for him to get them and he rudely hangs up.

Finally we are done with nails, run my grocery and pick up a few things, Ana begins texting wanting hot dogs and the makings for s’mores and I"m not into all that, so I get what I can and rush home. Roy is still there. I sure was hoping he would be gone, but no… he’s there, thin as a rail, looks bad to be honest and talking non stop.

Now I’ve already sat in the salon with Diane’s SIL who talks non stop …I’ve already put up with this frustrating calls for days, I"m about ready to pop and now I’m listening to him go on and on.

Finally he leaves to go see about getting his phone turned on, Shandi and I head to Walmart–we didn’t make Al-anon, we were both too stressed to be honest and tired having been up since 5.
So now Roy is here, for the night anyway. He plans to try to get a job and prove his innocence.

When we come back, I check the Ms. Department of Corrections website and yep, Stacie has been sent to Rankin county for processing. I printed out the page with all her info on it and then it really hit me that I have a second child with a record, an inmate number, gosh it hurts even with all the alanon under my belt. Can’t change it, can’t change her, can only change me.

I had such hopes for her back in the day. They are all dashed, have been for a long time. I just didn’t want to say it out loud.

Time will tell.
I’m tired. Heading to bed.
l,k

car-washes

Since I bought my new car back in May, I’ve tried to keep it clean and neat. Shandi and I washed it one day, but I figured out right quick that washing a car in the heat is not what I need to be doing.
I thought about running it through a car wash, but just never seemed to have the time.
Tuesday, on my way to FM I was thinking about calling over to the tire store which is just just down the street and across the road from the market..there is a guy there that washes cars for about 20 bucks a pop. He will detail it for 40.00
But I got busy and didn’t think a thing of it.
However, Phillip, the honey man left to take his wife’s car over for a detail job and came back complaining that no one was there yet. it wasn’t quite 7:00 at the time. Later, I saw Philip on the phone, but didn’t think anything of it and also saw a guy who comes in the cleaners talking to Phillip, but still I didn’t put 2 and 2 together. I didn’t have a clue what Lil Jay-Jeff (there is a story to his name) did for a living, I just knew he came in the cleaners from time to time.

An hour or so later, Phillip says–hey, Klara, your car is over at the tire store being washed. The guy took yours instead of mine. How he could mistake a Honda for a Lexus is a mystery to me.

I jumped up and ran to the side door and looked over at the tire store and yep, that was MY Honda under the shed being washed.

Hmmm, I say to Phillip, well I wanted it washed but not detailed, so he takes off to tell him to just wash it–but Lil Jeff detailed it too, and Phillip paid for it. I wasn’t gonna, since I didn’t tell him to wash it–I would have paid for a washing, but not for detailing. I’m perfectly capable of doing that.

Now, on Lil Jay-Jeff’s name…the lady who works the other half of the week has his name in the computer as Lil Jeff. First time he came in and told me Lil Jay, I couldn’t find his clothes. I told him there was a Lil Jeff, but no Lil Jay. He grins and says, I think the other lady put my name in wrong. So I bring the clothes out and compare phone numbers and he looks and says, yes, ma’am those are my clothes…so now we have Lil Jay-Jeff!!!!!

penguins-online Latest on Stacie

Oh klara how awful for you all!! So difficult!

Joy via iPhone

On Aug 23, 2017, at 7:01 PM, elf here.is.elf [penguins-online] <penguins-online> wrote:

Thursday she went before a judge and was released with a future court date of August 29.
Her dad went and picked her up, we both told her she needed to be cleaning the house and packing because she was gonna have to leave. We were through supporting her.
Several years ago, we had drawn up a property paper giving her a life time estate–we did it so she could file homestead exemption and taxed would be lower.
We had another paper drawn up last week, putting everything back in our name for the time being.
On Monday I went to the doc, having come down with a cold/sinus/chest congestion thing…when I got home I text her and told her I’d be done with bread around noon and we would go to town so I could pick up my meds…I’d seen the doc at 7:30 and the druggist doesn’t open until 8:30. I told her we would also get the papers signed and then go on and see her parole officer-which she had to do.
She did question the signing of the papers; I told her it was to put everything back in our name and she had to sign because her name was on it…then we went to the parole office.
I didn’t go in with her, but later I was sent after. He asked if I was really kicking her out and why-I told him because she wouldn’t work, she disappeared at least once a month and wouldn’t tell anyone where she was, she had hurt her children the last time and had wasted their money her last time.
He said, well you know I’m keeping her. He talked straight to her–about no job and her attitude. He told her that if she didn’t have a job by now she might need to figure out why people wouldn’t hire her.
Short story, she will see a judge most likely the 28th, or at least be at court. She may go before the judge and she may not–we who have been there know how these things go. It will depend on the judge.
She had it made, folks. If she would have stayed clean, paid her fine and made her monthly visits, once her fine was paid her record would be clean…and she had a felony drug possession charge against her…a charge that would be whiped clean if she did what she was supposed to do. But she didn’t.
We plan to try and find her a cheap car, so when she is released she will have a way to go…she can put what will fit into it and ride off into the sunset. It won’t be easy but she has made her choices. We, as parents have been good to her, too good to her for all these years.
Stacie is 42, with a college degree–she used to have a good personality, but through the years she has become this angry, bitter person, blaming everyone and everything for what is wrong with her. We can’t help her any more. All we can do is pray for her.
I’ve really been burdened because I was so afraid that Terry would change his mind, or I would change mine. But we can’t afford to do that–the children need protecting even though we should have done more years ago…maybe it isn’t too late to show them that we don’t put up with wrong treatment and actions.

Latest on Stacie

Thursday she went before a judge and was released with a future court date of August 29.
Her dad went and picked her up, we both told her she needed to be cleaning the house and packing because she was gonna have to leave. We were through supporting her.
Several years ago, we had drawn up a property paper giving her a life time estate–we did it so she could file homestead exemption and taxed would be lower.
We had another paper drawn up last week, putting everything back in our name for the time being.
On Monday I went to the doc, having come down with a cold/sinus/chest congestion thing…when I got home I text her and told her I’d be done with bread around noon and we would go to town so I could pick up my meds…I’d seen the doc at 7:30 and the druggist doesn’t open until 8:30. I told her we would also get the papers signed and then go on and see her parole officer-which she had to do.
She did question the signing of the papers; I told her it was to put everything back in our name and she had to sign because her name was on it…then we went to the parole office.
I didn’t go in with her, but later I was sent after. He asked if I was really kicking her out and why-I told him because she wouldn’t work, she disappeared at least once a month and wouldn’t tell anyone where she was, she had hurt her children the last time and had wasted their money her last time.
He said, well you know I’m keeping her. He talked straight to her–about no job and her attitude. He told her that if she didn’t have a job by now she might need to figure out why people wouldn’t hire her.
Short story, she will see a judge most likely the 28th, or at least be at court. She may go before the judge and she may not–we who have been there know how these things go. It will depend on the judge.
She had it made, folks. If she would have stayed clean, paid her fine and made her monthly visits, once her fine was paid her record would be clean…and she had a felony drug possession charge against her…a charge that would be whiped clean if she did what she was supposed to do. But she didn’t.
We plan to try and find her a cheap car, so when she is released she will have a way to go…she can put what will fit into it and ride off into the sunset. It won’t be easy but she has made her choices. We, as parents have been good to her, too good to her for all these years.
Stacie is 42, with a college degree–she used to have a good personality, but through the years she has become this angry, bitter person, blaming everyone and everything for what is wrong with her. We can’t help her any more. All we can do is pray for her.
I’ve really been burdened because I was so afraid that Terry would change his mind, or I would change mine. But we can’t afford to do that–the children need protecting even though we should have done more years ago…maybe it isn’t too late to show them that we don’t put up with wrong treatment and actions.

Anniversary

8/14/17

What a way to spend one’s anniversary—visiting a wayward daughter in jail and dealing with a grand’s anxiety attacks and change of direction in her career—from nursing to cosmetology (which has always been her first love)

Took Shandi to visit Stacie and so she could ask Stacie those importing questions burning holes in my mind—why did you lie to me, how can a mother do these things over and over to her child. No satisfactory answer was given, but Shandi felt good asking them; she also didn’t let her anger control her.

We were told that Bruce had held her hostage which is why she didn’t come back home; reminded me of when DHS took the girls and Stacie and I met the next day for a judge hearing and drug test—Stacie popped positive and said that Gary made her use.

We did get the EBT card, so were able to buy Shandi some groceries.

I meet with the lawyer Wednesday on the lifetime estate thing we drew up with Stacie having a lifetime estate—done so Stacie could file homestead and taxes would be lower. UGH.

Shandi’s SSI caseworker called yesterday. She had called several times but was calling the wrong number—probably either Stacie’s old phone or Shandi’s-anyway she was so shocked at what Shandi was having to endure, yet again.

Now that Roy knows Stacie is in jail, he is upping his desire to be bailed out so he can come help with Shandi. He does not comprehend that until she turns 18 or the charges are dropped, he can’t be in contact with her.

And life goes on…….