The Deed is Done

Our pastor and his family are gone. Those who wanted him gone are happy as larks. Those who didn’t are moving forward with a better understanding of what church people are capable of doing.
I often wonder if I’m a hypocrite or if I’m doing what God would have me do by staying. I don’t hate those who had aught against the pastor. I can’t find it in my heart to truly hate anyone. I want the best for them. I want God’s love and blessings in their life. I am aware of who and what most of the people are: I accept them as who they are. I don’t put my trust in people. My trust is in the Lord.

I feel that one-possibly more–are out to get me. Too many factors/comments/questions point in that direction. The Bible says that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. I claim that. So, just as with my pastor and his family, should ‘they’ whom ever ‘they’ are succeed in removing me from the physical church I attend; they will never remove me from the Lamb’s Book of Life. They will never dampen my spirit. I will continue to serve my God where ever I may be planted.

The secretary is told to be sue and check the bank statements to be sure no checks were made to cash. A bag of Fritos was taken; a bag intended to feed the people who bought chilli plates Sunday. The statement was made: It was JUST a bag of chips. A bag of chips the church paid for, a bag of chips intended for a Sunday fund raiser meal, a bag of chips which caused us to run out sooner than we would have. But it’s just a bag of chips.

Maybe a ugly reaction was expected. Nope. Wasn’t one. I was curious about where it went. More so since there were 2 dollars in a bowl in the kitchen-the amount of the bag of chips. No, that was for yard sale stuff.

I can’t help what others think or do or say. That is between them and God. I am only responsible for me. I have a hard enough keeping me where I need to be with God. I’m working hard on only saying what I would be able to say face to face with the person I am speaking about. I don’t always accomplish this; but I work on it.

A Special Type of person

And not in a good way!!! During the wee hours of the morning the alarm went off at our small country school here in Walthall County, Ms. Some young fool had managed to break in and set a few fires. Some young fool (possibly the same one who did such ridiculousness) had stated at school yesterday that he wanted to burn the place down. Some young fool will be deeply regretting his/her actions for the rest of their life. Setting fire to a school not only involved the local law, but the FBI. Lawdy have mercy!!!

Our youth are experiencing far too much in their young lives. They have faced the death of 2 teachers from natural causes, a young female teacher having sex with teen boys, deaths from wrecks, just recently the loss of a friend when his twin brother accidentally shot him, and now this-someone trying to burn the school down.

These incidents are tremendous stressors in their life. Then you add to that the fact that about half of them, at least, have family issues at home, plus it’s just hard being a kid –fitting in, finding your place, dealing with insecurities, raging hormones, and all the other stuff kids deal with just because they are kids.

Mercy me.

Anxiety

T and I went to Vicksburg on Sunday, Dec. 31. We stayed overnight, got up Monday, shopped around and came home. Tuesday we got up and as we were cooking breakfast Shandi came in. She sat at the bar and Paw walked over to hug her and she (being Shandi) pushed him away. He went off on her telling her if she couldn’t change her attitude she could go back up the hill-he was going to leave. And he did. He finished frying the eggs and got his jacket and left, like a spoiled child. Given his truck is broken down and funds are tight and we are concerned about $ to fix it. True, he has health issues and at our age we really shouldn’t be raising younguns, but they are good kids.
Stacie of course is being Stacie. Sleeps all day, stays up all night, Acts weird when she comes around, like she’s on something. Tries to make the girls love her and socialize with her.
She went with Ana and I on Friday, Jan. 2 to Ana’s eval in Hattiesburg, she slouched in the chair while we waited, looking like a beached whale. She complained about the shopping Ana wanted to do and whined because she had to pay bills and so couldn’t buy her some shoes, all the while wearing a nice pair of high tops that she claimed were too big and that was why she was dragging her feet. Then she slept all the way home.
After we dropped her off at her house Ana says, “We just can’t take her anywhere, can we, Maw?”
Then on Friday evening we discovered her man friends truck hidden behind my grandma’s old house. This same man with whom she was with the days prior to her arrest. This same man who used to come out and bed her and her friend, Chantel. This same man who didn’t even ask about her while she was in jail and sick following that time. Hiding, as if we didn’t know whose truck it was. It isn’t the first time either.
Sunday, 4th of Jan, she comes down for breakfast, the first time in months. Before leaving she asked if she could have a few for later. As she gathered up her stuff I said, “Tell Bruce I hope he enjoys his pancakes.” Then I told her we knew he was there and that with all her bragging on taking care of her aging parents, the least she could do would be to not lie to them.
Ughhh!!!!

Spiritual connections?

For over 20 years I’ve attended al-anon. So has hubby. When the girls were young, especially Ana, and need be she went with us. Sometimes even when it wasn’t a need be situation. Once when she was still a young toddler she asked me if she could chair al-anon meetings when she grew up like I did. I told her she could at which point she asked what did one do to chair a meeting anyway? 😀
Anyway, as she’s grown older and the problems in her life have multiplies-friends, family, etc-she has continued to attend with me. I often thought she went more for the meal prior to the meeting plus whatever she could find for me to buy her at walmart than the good she might get from the meeting. But I never questioned her.
She’s grown to know and love the women there and one especially. A young divorcee/retired military school teacher, specializing in special education. But around April, M stopped coming. Later I saw FB posts from her showing she was in California, but I never asked the reason. I simply assumed she had decided to pull up roots and move. And life went on, and I skipped a lot of meetings due to exhaustion from Farmer’s Markets and the work that goes into getting ready for one.
Last week Ana informed me that we really needed to go to alanon. To give her a thumbs up, she had asked various times through the summer if we were going to which I would reply no, not tonight. But this time I asked her why and she said she really needed to go, that she got a lot out of the meetings. So I promised her we would go, and we did–just she and I.
We hadn’t been in the coffee room long, catching up with all the latest when the door opened and in walked M. I thought Ana would wet herself she was so excited. Come to find out, M had returned the past Tuesday, the night Ana was wanting to go and I put her off. I felt that this was an awesome sign–showing a real connection between Ana and M. It really felt as though she knew within herself somewhere that M would be there, that she had returned and she needed to see her!

Answered Prayer-I think

9/14/14
I sit here tonight just pondering on the latest developments in this roller coaster I call life. The girls are wanting to go live with daddy part time and my son in Louisana the other part–I love my son but there is so much chaos, drinking, disorder, confusion and God only knows what else that I simply am not comfortable with them staying there for more than a day or two. The girls think their dad will set homeschooling up for them, and they can do school when they darn well please, they can do school and live with dad when he is home from work and they can go my son’s and do school there when dad goes back offshore and it simply isn’t going to work that way..so…
I’ve prayed and asked God to handle this situation-work things out so that the girls can’t go to my son’s either because their father won’t allow them to, or they decide they don’t want to or my son doesn’t have time or space for them.
So today I get a phone call from son’s step-son. Seems my son is in jail, aggravated assault and illegal possession of a firearm. When the law was called to break up the fight son was involved in at his home and the law walked into their home, propped up by the door was a gun–son is a felon so cannot be around guns and there goes that charge against him.
God sure has a way of answering prayers. With son in jail there is no way my girls are going there either from my house nor their dads. I simply do not seeing daddy agreeing to them going there without my son there.
It’s funny, but it isn’t funny. I hate son is in jail. He’s been out of jail now for about 5 years and lets himself get into a fight and off he goes. Of course I have been knowing that the time was nearing near. Son has never been good at freedom for more than 5 years and more often it has been 3 years then he blows a gasket and does something that lands him in jail. He had been doing so well, working, fixing up the house his woman owns, just really a likeable person when he wasn’t drunk…but now who knows when he will get out if he does.
I think about that; the pain of knowing a child is in jail, the fear of knowing the other adult child might end up there within the next few months and the fear of not having the girls here and I have to say that such things as *I wasn’t given the right information* simply fade into the background and people who become so focused on such petty things should stop and count their many blessings.

Update on daughter

Late afternoon, May 30, she got her phone call. She denied any knowledge of drugs.

On Saturday, May 31, I learned her bond was 25,000.00. No way we could go that.
On Monday, June 2, 2014 I spoke with Pete Williams, the arresting officer. I learned she was in Walmart parking lot, acting strange, law was called and when drugs were suspected, he was called in. She was high on meth and had meth in her possession. The truck was towed and she was arrested. If this was her first offense, then possibly she would get drug court and probation along with a fine.
That evening she called me crying, wanting out. I told her what I knew, we got off phone. Tuesday evening she called to tell me she was admitted to Marion County General Hospital with possible sepsis (yes she did have sepsis) UTI, kidney and bladder infection. She stayed in ICU until Friday the 6th when they put her in a room. They released her on Saturday.
It’s been rough-she called several times daily, crying, wanting Shandi to come stay with her, moaning and groaning, feeling sorry for herself. She called me and she called Shandi. She never called her dad or Ana. We visited her on Tuesday night. Shandi and I visited her on Thursday and even took her a Subway sandwich. Still she worried the crap out of us daily calling and whining. Finally I told her I didn’t have time for all that, I knew she was sick and I understood the emotional upheaval an illness causes, but I had my hands full.
When we picked her up I gave her the ground rules for until she goes to grand jury-no men can come to her house and she can’t go to theirs; if Bruce H. is seen on the property he will be arrested. If drugs and the likes of him is what she wants, then don’t waste our time, pack and leave when she gets home. I keep the kids child support card and will manage that from now on-she has wasted their money on drugs and junk long enough. That stops now.
Judy and Robert came up on Thursday-so between Stacie’s situation and company and my own chores I about went my limit by Sunday. I made it to Sunday School, came home, crawled in bed and slept most of the evening. Then I got up and worked a bit getting ready for the Columbia Market tomorrow. I also have an appointment with Sylvia S to discuss options, directions and counseling for the girls.